Love, Spirit, and the Human Connection: By Request

This segment discusses the average human's need to connect with others for health and longevity. The exception to this would be hermits, who choose a life of solitude for a variety of reasons. But let's just keep this narrowly focused toward the average Joe and Jane, or Joe and Joe, or Jane and Jane, who are just looking to make a connection to another person.

Since studies reviewed by Hojat (2007) completed in 2006, studies continue to show a relation between human compassion and increased positive patient outcomes. Reaching out to our clients in clinical settings with empathy and unconditional positive regard helps people relax, comply with medication and treatment, and increases the health and well-being of patients seeking treatment.

But this attitude of love and connectedness needs to go beyond clinical settings, and into our everyday lives. Taking this attitude can be difficult when you've been hurt repeatedly. It's difficult to reach out to someone, only to be slapped away by the cruelties of human behavior (being cheated on would be an extreme example, being gossiped about a lesser example, but still a betrayal of trust).

So how do you move on from these trespasses? How do you continue to reach out after being hurt or betrayed? It's not an easy process, by any stretch of the imagination, and it takes time to heal. But it can be done. I know from experience. My own experience, and those of my loved ones.

First, take a moment to forgive. (Forgive? Who? The person who hurt me? Never!) Actually, there are multiple people to forgive in this situation...and it's not necessarily for the reasons you might think.

The first person to forgive after facing a betrayal is yourself. A lot of us blame ourselves when we get hurt. (Why didn't I see that coming? How could I have been so stupid?) STOP these thoughts. They are not good for you. You don't deserve to beat yourself up for a simple reaching out for human affection and love. In fact, you were hurt, and you have learned from the experience. Find the lesson. Forgive yourself. Appreciate yourself for surviving the bump in the road, and keep moving forward.

The second person to forgive is the person who has hurt you. (Why on earth would I do that? I'm just supposed to excuse their behavior toward me?) No, absolutely not. Forgiveness is not a dismissal of bad behavior. It is not allowing a person back in to hurt you again...it is letting go of anger, and the power that person has over you to hurt you. When the betrayal has been severe, the harder it is and the longer it takes to let go...but it is the most necessary thing you can do in order to move on with your life. Write them a nasty letter and burn it (don't send it and fuel the fire), then write them a letter of forgiveness. Do what it takes to let go and move on – not for the person who betrayed you, but for yourself. Do it because you need to make better connections with people who are deserving of your love and affection.

Once you've accomplished this...it's time to seek out companionship with people and learn to trust again. Not an easy task, but possible. Go to places where you feel fulfilled – the bookstore, nature hikes with groups, the museum, the zoo, amusement parks. Join a book club, a spirituality group, anything that piques your interest...just to meet others who share your passions. It's good for you!

Every time you reach out to someone, it is a risk. Taking the risk is worth it, especially when you find a person or people who share your interests, and reciprocate the connection you make with them.

Let your spirit reach out to others – you never know what is in store for you, your health, and your journey.

Namaste,
The Transpersonal Psychologist


References

Hojat, M. (2007). Empathy in Patient Care: Antecedents, Development, Measurement, and Outcomes. New York: Springer Science Publishing.